It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want to make out with him forever
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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