there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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