i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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