mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
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His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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