I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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