I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize