No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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