your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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