just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Shame is for Republicans.
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