if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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