I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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