I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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