I'm laying in your front yard are you home
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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