Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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