There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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