by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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