I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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