im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize