I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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