Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize