I wish my penis had an off switch
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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