Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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