we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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