Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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