ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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