every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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