Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
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If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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