Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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