I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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