I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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