Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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