matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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