Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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