i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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