Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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