I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize