i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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