trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Let's get the cat blown out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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