we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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