he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize