Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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