she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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