I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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