We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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