at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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