I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize