he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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