I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize