Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize