Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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